Blindsided alicia and will
by Vanessa227
Summary: Everything unfolds for Alicia and Will as they have the conversation we've been waiting for.


**Blindsided (Alicia and Will)**

**This is my first ever attempt at fan fiction before, so go easy on me! I am obsessed with the Good Wife and more specifically Will and Alicia's complicated relationship. Reviews and comments would be greatly appreciatedIn an attempt to get through this 2 week hiatus, the story is set some time after the promo for next week's episode (3x10 'Parenting Made Easy' where Grace seemingly goes missing)**

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><p>A gentle knock on the door woke Alicia from a restless sleep on the couch.<p>

As she passed the mirror beside her door, she saw the shadows forming deep rings under her eyes. Her hair was curled at the ends in a messy and unorderly fashion. Wrapped up tightly in a grey night gown, her body looked frail and weak. _She didn't look like herself_, she thought. But it didn't a matter. She was tired. So tired.

She opened the door to a solemn Will. His head jerked up immediately as he saw Alicia. His 'sultry eyes' as Owen had once called them weren't so sultry tonight. Instead, they showed blatant concern. Within seconds, she fell into his arms.

Standing in the door way of her apartment, Will held her. Seconds turned to minutes as Alicia rested her head on Will's shoulders and wrapped her arms around the back of his neck. Not a word was spoken. They didn't need to. Will and Alicia knew so much about the other just from a look, a touch. They were connected on another level, something she never experienced with Peter. It was an embrace they both wished happened more often.

It was not about sex or lust. It was solely for comfort, for support.

Looking into her eyes, he couldn't help admire just how beautiful she was. He didn't notice the dark circles or the scruffiness of her usually pristine hair. When they crossed paths at the office, it was increasingly harder for him to not stare at her. He would have to distract himself unless his mind would always sidle back to her face. Her deep brown eyes and silky pale skin, the way she looked in those pencil skirts that made her legs irresistible.

Sometimes he had to pinch himself. He was with Alicia. Yes it was complicated, and the road ahead looked even drearier. But since Georgetown, he could never picture being with anyone else. She was it. She was what he thought about at night, and first thing in the morning. Alicia made Will feel like a better man, or at least spur him to try to be one.

Tonight however, her eyes were filled only with immense sadness. A single tear fell down onto her cheek.

He was overcome with an emotion he didn't even think he could feel. Seeing Alicia in pain…it killed him. Wiping the tear away from her cheek, he felt prangs of aching in his chest as if it was coming from his heart.

In that moment, every minute he had spent thinking about the impending investigation seemed ridiculous. Every thought about Diane's ultimatum to _stop _whatever was going on with Alicia seemed implausible. The firm was Will's life, but deep inside, he knew that Alicia was his future. She had to be.

"_I've missed you,"_ Will says softly as they sit on the couch. Their bodies were separated but his hand caressed hers slowly as he had done secretly at the office so many times.

Alicia had had the past week off work. The first time since joining Lockhart/Gardner three years ago. Since Grace's all-too-real missing scare last week, she needed a break. She had been working tirelessly with Caitlyn on a case against Louis Canning, missing 12 calls from Grace in the process. After an emotionally intense day of her and Peter gathering every tool at their disposal to track Grace down, it turned out she had simply gotten into Damien's car, a friend of her eccentric tutor. He took them all too some sort of hippy rally 4 blocks away.

Grace had been trying to phone Alicia to tell her where she was going after school, and eventually succumbed to turning off her phone off at the event – a particularly senseless move by Grace, but a harmless one at that.

However, such an event had seemingly turned Alicia's world upside down.

"_I am so tired. I can't sleep." _Her eyes were sad as she turned her head towards Grace's empty bedroom. After spending a week at home with their Mother, Grace and Zach had gone over to their Father's for the weekend. The thoughts that had run through Alicia's head that day were unlike anything she'd ever experienced. She had never been so scared in her life. Terrified that something could happen to Grace.

Alicia looked down, ashamed. _"I've been a terrible Mother," _she said trying to hold back tears, her hair sweeping across her face.

Will grabbed Alicia's cheek with the palm of his hand._ "Alicia, you are the most extraordinary Mum to those kids."_ He spoke with the utmost conviction. He meant every word._ Don't let what happened make you think any different. Grace is okay, and it wasn't your fault." _

He removed the hair from over her eyes, gently placing it behind her ears. _Her perfect ears,_ he thought. Everything about her was perfect to him.

"_No, Will. I've been vacant from their lives." _Alicia spoke as another tear streamed down her face_, "I'm at work all the time. I haven't been honest and I've lied. I can't do that to them, they're all I have. Grace says she has no friends except for her dancing tutor and according to Jackie Zach is dating Eli's daughter and now I agreed to buy him a car and…"_

Will squeezed Alicia's hand, her rambling was leaving her flustered and out of breath. _"Alicia, we will work this out."_

Alicia pulled away from Will, standing immediately up off the couch.

"_How, Will!" _She practically yelled at him. "_How will we work this out? I can't. I just can't do this…"_

"_Can't what, Alicia? What can't you do?" _Will stood up, clinging to Alicia's arms. _"I wish that you would let me into your life. I just want to help!"_

…Alicia turned and looked straight into Will's eyes. He knew the subject had changed. To something he hoped she wouldn't ask. "_Is there something going on that I don't know about? With you, with the firm…"_

Will's face fell. Alicia saw the pain in his eyes and immediately felt awful for asking a question that would cause him to react that way.

Will hesitated, grasping his forehead with his hand as he contemplated all of what he was about to say. What he needed to say.

"_Diane knows," _he spoke in a whisper that he knew would have to be repeated. _"Diane knows about us. She knows because Wendy Scott Carr approached her at the firm, to tell her about the impending investigation into me by the State's Attorney. Apparently it's for judicial bribery. I don't think that's why..." _

Alicia's mouth was open, but no words would come out. A million thoughts were racing through her mind as she tried to make out what Will just said… Diane. Knows. Peter. Investigation. Will.

"_Peter is investigating you… because of me…" _She turned to face the window, looking out blankly at the high-rise buildings of Chicago surrounding her apartment.

"_I talked to him…" _Will says quietly. Alicia instantly turned around, her face was mortified.

She tried to swallow the lump in her throat as she spoke._ "You what?"_

There was so much information coming at her so fast, but all she could seem to think about was why Will hadn't told her any of this sooner.

"_I may have called him pitiful…" _Will said looking down.

What looked like almost a smile appeared on Alicia's face, but slipped away soon as it had appeared. _"He said that he was going through me to get to Lamond Bishop. But if that was ever the case, it isn't anymore…"_

Alicia was too overwhelmed to stand, grasping the couch end as they stood by the window.

"_Why.." _her face was dispirited as she tried to find the words._ "Why did you not tell me any of this, Will?"_ She was hurt. There were so many secrets surrounding their relationship, she didn't need Will keeping secrets from her.

"_I thought I could make it go away myself. I didn't want this to be on your shoulders." _He meant what he said, he couldn't bear to see her in pain, but there was more. The way Alicia looked at him, with her _your-not-telling-me-the-whole-story _face; she too knew he was withholding something.

"_I didn't know what you'd think of me..."_

The way he spoke, he was so ashamed. Flawed. Just as it killed Will to see Alicia in pain, it too killed Alicia to see Will like this.

"_If you knew what I had done" _Will continued. "_… the gambling and the bribing and… I stole money from clients, Alicia. I stole from good people to get out of a bad bet. I'm not that person anymore… I don't know what will happen with the firm, with Diane but…"_

He looked Alicia straight in the eye._ "I thought if you knew…then this was done. You wouldn't want to… be with me."_

He couldn't find the right words. He had no idea how to define their relationship. Nor was he ever able to express what Alicia meant to him. It was always ruined by bad timing orAlicia quashing his attempt.

He wanted her so badly. He understood all the complications; Alicia needing time for herself and her kids, she couldn't rush into anything. The state's attorney was her husband, separated yes but still her husband. And he was her boss. There were a million red lights telling them to stop, but as already discussed, they just couldn't. They were in too deep.

Alicia grabbed Will's hands, bringing them to chest level. She slowly stroked his hand with the tips of her fingers. He smiled, but only for a moment. He was astounded. He had just told her what an awful person he was, but she wasn't running away scared. She was comforting him. But then when he had wanted to talk about the relationship, she refused to, like it was some teenage fling not worth discussing.

It wasn't a fling.

_Put everything on the table, _Will thought. Every little thing that defined what they are to each other that were never spoken out loud for the past three years. Everything that Alicia refused to discuss. He was about to implode.

He let go of Alicia's hands stroking his, turning around grasping his forehead once again as his mind boggled in confusion and desperation.

"_I don't understand, Alicia. I don't I … All I want is to be with you." _He couldn't believe what he was saying, but he couldn't stop.

"_For just one second, screw everything. Screw every little thing that is hovering over us, screaming at us to end this. And just tell me, do you want to be with me too? Because you say you don't want this to stop, but you don't want to talk about it. What is between us? What do we mean to each other?"_

Alicia was stunned. She was scared. She had so many emotions but she couldn't decipher one from another.

This smart, strong woman was speechless.

"_I… I don't know Will, I don't know…" _

There was so much she could say, so much she wanted to say to him, to this man standing in front of her confessing his love.

It wasn't just any man, it was Will. The one person that had always been in her thoughts. The '_he could be the one' _guy. Through her years at Georgetown, it was always _could_ with Will, never _should_ or _would._ It never surfaced.

Now, everything was out and she didn't know how to react. What to say.

Did she love him?

She knew the answer was yes. It was always yes. But that didn't matter, not in this moment. She was blindsided.

Her kids. Her job. Her husband. Will.

_Her _Will? Alicia thought she might collapse.

Will could see the fear in her eyes, the hesitation. _"Will, I…" _Alicia tried again, but still no words.

Will could see how shaken she was, how many thoughts were swarming through her mind at warp speed. He didn't want to hurt her, but he couldn't do this anymore. He grabbed his coat. Alicia watched him move away from her towards her door.

All she wanted in that moment was to go to bed, with Will holding her til she fell asleep. To pretend none of this happened. A relationship with Will without talking about everything surrounding it meant she didn't have to face reality.

That phase was over. Reality knocked on her door approximately 18 minutes ago.

"_Will wait!"_ He turned around, his palm holding the door handle. She choked back tears as she spoke _"Please don't go."_

Will wanted to stay. He wanted to stay more than anything. But he couldn't. Alicia had to figure out what she wanted. Not he, Peter, Jackie, Eli nor her children could make that decision for her.

Will began closing the door. It was half shut when he saw Alicia's face. He wanted to hold her like he did when he first arrived.

To Alicia's surprise, he began to speak.

"_Alicia. Before, you said the kids are all you have… I hope you don't believe that. Please, don't ever believe that."_

And with that, he was gone.

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><p><strong>I very much hope you enjoyed it! I'd love to hear your comments and reviews, Thanks! <strong>


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